Category: iPhone

God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember Flash and Java won’t run by Christmas day

No Java, Flash for iPhone this Christmas

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
COMFORT AND JOY!
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.

Ah, InfoWorld’s Paul Krill. You’ve got it backwards.

But no one seems to know why Flash and Java aren’t available for the iPhone.

Ooh! Ooh! Pick the Macalope! Pick the Macalope!

Uh, because they blow?

There has been some conjecture that the intermediary nature of Flash and Java, which lets applications run in the Flash Player and on the Java Virtual Machine, might stifle Apple’s control over what goes on the iPhone. But an industry analyst offered a less cynical theory:

C’mon, Paul. Bring it on home.

“Part of the problem, as I understand it, is the ARM processor” that powers the iPhone, says Rob Enderle, principal analyst at the Enderle Group.

YES!

WE HAVE ENDERLE. REPEAT: WE HAVE ENDERLE.

Although the processor has the advantage of low power consumption, it also has slow performance. As a result, “neither Flash nor Java work on it very well,” Enderle says.

Rob is an obfuscation machine.

An ARM representative declined to comment on the iPhone but did note that the ARM processor can run Flash.

An ARM representative declined to comment on the iPhone but did note that Rob Enderle was dropped a lot as an infant.

iPhone developer Christopher Allen, founder of the iPhoneWebDev community, concurs that full Flash support on the iPhone “probably is beyond what the processor can do.” He notes that the Flash Lite runs on less powerful processors than what the iPhone uses but on those slower processors does not run most Web content.

But Allen believes that the iPhone could run Java today.

And here we have the real issue. Sure, the iPhone could run Flash, but — particularly given the already unoptimized state of Flash on OS X — it would probably have to run some stripped-down, crappier version of Flash.

Wait, there’s a crappier version of Flash? Dear god.

And Java? Well, Java’s just more about security, marketing and asthetics.

But who’s the loser here? Apple’s customers? The ones lining up to buy iPhones? Somebody should alert them because they don’t seem to know.

Every time the Macalope tries to get out of the business of jousting at silly pundits, he gets pulled back in.

The horny one was determined to ignore Tom Kaneshige’s InfoWorld piece entitled “A new etiquette for the iPhone generation”. Really he was. He ignored it when he saw it in InfoWorld’s daily email blast. He ignored it again when he saw it has been reposted by InfoWorld’s sister publication, Macworld.

But then someone emailed it to him and instinct took over.

Stupid antelope genes.

Armin Henreich’s infamous “I Am Rich” iPhone application—a $1,000 ruby-red screen saver—was pulled from Apple App Store shelves months ago, but its message still resonates loudly.

Really? With who? Other than jackass tech journalists.

Now the iPhone, the tech symbol of the “in” crowd, is on the verge of crossing the line into AIG-like excess and arrogance.

Hey, everyone! We’re getting a bailout and a taxpayer-funded trip to a spa! Whoo-hoo!

“I’m not sure, under the current economic conditions, that it’s a great statement to make,” says Rob Enderle, principal analyst of the Enderle Group. “You may not want to flash it.”

Are you suggesting, Tom, that we take advice on what kind of personal statement to make from this man?

Or really any kind of advice?

C’mon, Tom. Not every iPhone user can suddenly take up golf. For starters, there aren’t enough tee times.

Maybe you’re new around here so the Macalope will just let you know that quoting Enderle in a piece about Apple is tantamount to scrawling on the top of said piece “I AM SO PHONING THIS IN” next to your byline in crayon.

From “my apps are cooler than your apps” contests…

The Macalope must have missed this contest. Anyone know what he’s talking about here?

…to “sent from my iPhone” e-mail footers…

Yeah, it’s a good thing no other smart phones have those!

cough – Blackberry – cough

…people love showing off their iPhones.

Yeah, what is up with that?! My god, people! Get a phone you’re embarrassed of! Tuck it away in the closet! Bury it in a mason jar under your porch!

NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.

Traditional cell phones and iPods already audibly isolated people in their own little worlds, and iPhone’s visual carnival pushes that isolation further.

Wait, wait, wait. Which is it, Tom? Are we loud-mouthed show-offs who insist on pushing our gaudy iPhones on everyone we meet on the street, or are we quiet introverts, leading lonely, isolated lives, shunning all human contact for the warm glow of technology? It can’t be both, dude.

The visual nature of the iPhone can be a big distraction. Will consumers, walking around with their heads down as they play a game or look at a map on the iPhone’s mini-screen, collide with each other like pinballs?

Will these iPhone-using kids wander onto our lawns and summarily decline to get off of them?

Last month, a train engineer in Los Angeles was allegedly text messaging on his cell phone moments before he crashed into a freight train, killing 25 people, including himself.

That settles it! From now on, only the Amish will drive our nation’s trains!

Wait…

Look, this kind of trite, bullshitty article gets trotted out every so often by lazy-assed writers (or, in fairness to Kaneshige, writers with lazy-assed editors) who dourly want to warn us of the perils of the printing press cotton gin horseless carriage phonograph television…

Oh, fuck it, you get the point.

Just stop it.

Information Week’s Brad Kenney asks of Apple’s decision to reveal the iPhone six months in advance: Strategic Misstep, Or Supreme Confidence?

Uh, are those the only choices? (Hint: noooooooo.)

First of all, consider the name. At the time of the Macworld announcement, San Jose-based Cisco Systems owned the exclusive rights to the term iPhone…

Yes, believe it or not, Kenney wants to party like it’s January, 2007!

News flash, dude: Cisco settled! It’s over! Time to live in the now!

By giving such a long (it’s been almost six months and still no iPhone) time lag…

Yeah! Where the hell is that damned phone?!

Oh, wait, that’s right. It’s still May.

…Apple has not only allowed excitement to dim but has also negatively impacted iPod sales in the interim.

Yeah, because now nobody’s talking about the iPhone! Everyone’s into lol cats!

And were you talking about these iPod sales? The sales that were up 24% from last year? Are those the sales you’re talking about?

Huh?

Huh?

Because, you know, not so much.

The brightness of Jobs’ iPhone spotlight inevitably meant that quite a few consumers were left in the dark concerning [the Apple TV].

Which the company had already grandiosely announced back in September at its own special event.

Now, look, Apple could have hacked up the Macworld keynote and spent some time on the Mac and some time on Apple TV and some time on the iPod and some time on the company’s lol cat strategy. But the iPhone is arguably the biggest Apple product announcement in the last twenty-three years and Jobs clearly poured his heart into this thing. Give the man his hour and a half.

In a letdown, however, Kenney then pulls the rug out from under his arguments.

Despite what was widely characterized as bad timing by Jobs, the iPhone’s unique intuitive interface, rich feature set and undeniable cool factor paired with Apple’s pre-loaded customer loyalty means that, so long as Apple’s product developers remain at the top of their game, no amount of marketing missteps can keep this new Apple product from getting eaten up by the market.

Lame.

C’mon, Brad! Don’t string the Macalope along like that and then get all goo-goo eyes for Apple at the end!

Yes, some of the slower analysts have said it was somehow a mistake, but let’s look at what it gained Apple.

• The iPhone announcement completely stole the thunder from CES.
• Discussion of the iPhone took some of the heat off Apple over subsequent revelations about the options scandal.
• The announcement silenced the non-stop speculation about when/if/could the company make a phone.
• As iPod sales growth as leveled off, the announcement answered the question of where the company expects its growth to come from in the future.

Now, Brad, surely some of this must have occurred to you. Funny you didn’t see fit to mention it.

Ah, Seeking Alpha’s Todd Sullivan. It’s appropriate that your head shot shows you standing in a forest which you likely cannot see for all those damn trees.

The iPhone: Apple’s First Flop

Apple’s first flop? Wow, you really are quite the student of Apple, aren’t you. The Macalope is sure we’re going to be treated to some top-notch analysis.

I do not want to have to turn off my music to get a phone call.

“I do not want to be able to hear the people I’m talking to.”

Well, OK. Seems a little strange to the Macalope, but different strokes for different folks. (Note to Sullivan: the iPhone automagically lowers the music volume when you get a call.)

If I am driving my family in my car and we are listening to the iPod, having to turn off the music to answer my phone becomes a major hassle.

So…

You want to listen to music while you’re talking on the phone while you’re driving your family down the highway.

Well, Mr. Father of the Year, please tell the Macalope where you live so he can make sure to never, ever drive around there.

All of have cell phone agreements [sic] and have a cancellation fee. This varies from $100 to $150 dollars. This price need to be added to the costs of the iPhone for those who want it right away or it will cause a lag in initial sales. This lag will allow cell competitors to create their own, cheaper versions to compete, hurting future sales.

It needs to be added to the cost for those who aren’t already Cingular customers who feel compelled to switch to the iPhone right when it comes out. Which is one of the reasons Apple went with the largest carrier.

A $599 phone will not gain mass acceptance no matter what it does…

Like a monkey typing on a keyboard, you’ve finally typed something that’s true.

…especially when people can still get its functionality from their existing devices.

Yes, the price sensitive people will continue to buy a cheap phone and an iPod shuffle and call it good. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a whole other group of people who want one device and are willing to pay for it. Is the latter group as large as the former? Certainly not. But that does not mean it doesn’t exist.

Give us a 2GB capacity so we can put our favorite stuff on it and listen when we want, cut the price to $299 and you may have something.

Todd, keep your pants on. iPhone nano. 2008.

You know, maybe the iPhone isn’t for you. The Macalope himself is not a Mac mini guy. That doesn’t mean he can’t see that it has value to a great many people.

Also, the exclusive deal with AT&T Inc. (T) was not a very bright idea.

So says you.

Well, dear reader, never fear. The Macalope has a lovely tonic for Sullivan’s jungle fever that addresses that very issue.

Why Apple’s iPhone Is Not The Next iPod.

Additionally, Apple has limited itself by committing to Cingular, which has a customer base of about 60 million. It is notable that 55 per cent of those polled in the ChangeWave survey expressed satisfaction with their existing cell phones — indicating no intention of switching networks.

[Macworld editorial director Jason] Snell points out that that doesn’t necessarily mean Apple made a mistake however. It would have been impractical for the company to try to launch the iPhone independent of an established service provider. Had it done so, Jobs and his team would be faced with creating different versions of the phone to fit the capabilities and structures of different networks.

Indeed.

And Sullivan, in his rush to apply the flawed “all-in-one” analogy, fails to point out the ground-breaking benefits of the iPhone as a platform.

“What the iPhone potentially does promise is to make the features that most people don’t use on their phones — web browsing, more advanced kinds of messaging, email, music playback, etc — far easier to use,” states [Macworld’s Chris] Breen.

Quite so. It seems like some people might actually pay for having that functionality actually be usable.

It might help you find your way out of the woods.