Good thing he didn't double-dog dare

Because then this would be really embarrassing.

Cringely on Gates famous challenge to break Windows every month:

According to US-CERT, some 812 Windows vulnerabilities were discovered in 2005 alone — an average of one per month … for 67 years.

The Macalope, his antlers dripping with sarcasm, is sure that won’t happen to Vista (trolls can read a more detailed version of the Macalope’s opinion on Vista security here).

And, speaking of trolls, some of the Macalope’s friends who happen to be trolls may find this amusing (tip o’ the dripping antlers to Wil Wheaton).

Sisyphus

Microsoft’s own antivirus fails to secure Vista.

“Vista cannot fend off today’s malware without help from security products. It certainly looks like people upgrading to the new platform are going to need additional security solutions.”

More security professionalism, please.

David Maynor has come out in defense of Bill Gates’ recent comments that OS X is security swiss cheese and he churlishly derides the Mac community’s response.

In the post, Maynor reminisces that Apple’s “Get a Mac” ads were what got him into Apple security research last year. Is it just the Macalope or is that a little odd? As a child did he also run after Mean Joe Green with a Coke bottle, begging him to throw a jersey at him?

The thing that really upsets me about the Mac community going off on Bill Gates is that Apple does the same exact thing. Their “we don’t have security problems” commericals [sic] are the same thing as what Bill Gates said. If you want to be mad at Bill then hold Steve accountable for the same actions as well. The arrogant commericals [sic] Apple runs has done nothing but win them alot of researchers who are breaking their systems that would not have otherwise given them a second look.

The Macalope thought there was something strange about Maynor’s assertions here so he went back and watched all of the “Get a Mac” ads. Do you know how many of them discussed security?

One.

So, it’s not “commercials”. It’s “commercial”.

Why did David Maynor get so bent out of shape over one commercial? Seems a little absurd.

It’s also a little absurd that Maynor is trying to conflate Apple’s silly, funny ad with statements made by the founder and chief technologist of Microsoft to a Newsweek reporter.

Those things are not comparable.

But for grins, let’s pretend that they are and take a look at the relative truth behind each. Here’s the salient part of the “Get a Mac” ad entitled “Viruses.”

PC: Last year there were 114,000 known viruses for PCs.

Mac: PCs. But not Macs.

Is this true?

The year in question is 2005 and the data comes from a report from Sophos that says:

By December 2005, Sophos Anti-Virus was identifying and protecting against over 114,000 different viruses, worms, Trojan horses and other malware.

So, we can quibble over the use of the word “virus” to describe a host of malware, but it’s not really important to the argument. Sophos does, however, make a Macintosh version of its program, so maybe some of those are Mac viruses.

OK. Just how many Mac viruses are there?

According to Viruslist.com, 111. [CORRECTION: As noted in comments, this is the number of vulnerabilities, not viruses. The number of viruses is actually probably significantly lower which maybe helps proves the point about the Mac’s lower market share being its saving grace.]

Now you can look at the ad’s assertion yourself and decide if it’s “arrogant”, but the Macalope will note that Apple’s at least 99.9% correct here ((114,001 – 111) / 114,001). And it’s 100% correct if you just take it at face value – there are not 114,000 viruses for the Mac.

Maybe it’s the text Apple shows after you run the “Viruses” ad on the web that caused Maynor so much chafing. Let’s look at that.

114,000 Viruses? Not on a Mac.

Kinda covered that.

Mac OS X was designed with security in mind.

Well, that’s a piece of rather obvious fluff. Of course it was.

Windows just wasn’t built to bear the onslaught of attacks it suffers every day.

This is true simply be definition. Most viruses are written for Windows. An OS can’t “bear the onslaught” of a virus written to take advantage of one of its flaws. OS X was not “built to bear the onslaught” of the 111 viruses written for it.

A Mac offers a built-in firewall, doesn’t advertise its existence on the Net, and isn’t compromised within an hour of being turned on.

All undeniable fact.

Aaand that’s it.

Hmm.

Maybe it’s just the Mac guy Maynor doesn’t like. Some people don’t like him.

OK, let’s look at the primary security-related statement against the Mac in Gates’ interview.

Nowadays, security guys break the Mac every single day. Every single day, they come out with a total exploit, your machine can be taken over totally.

No. They do not. They didn’t even come out with one every day in the month of January. If Gates had said something more generic like “They keep coming out…” one might be inclined to cut him some slack, but he didn’t. He said “Every single day…” and that is false.

Gates does have something more of a point about upgradability and one can argue about who copied whose interface all day long.

But that’s not what Maynor’s talking about. He’s talking about security and it’s really not a contest. Apple’s ad is true and Gates’ comments are not.

Yet Maynor feels justified in giving props to Bill Gates for stickin’ it to the man.

He also expects howls of uproar over his assertion that Vista is more secure than OS X. Truth be told, Maynor’s far more qualified to make a judgement about that than the Macalope, but the horny one would point out that just because Vista’s more secure on paper, doesn’t mean that it will provide a more secure user experience. Windows is still and will continue to be the bigger target.

The biggest threat OS X has seen recently is from the supposedly responsible members of the security world who seem to be trying to provide Microsoft cover and bring trouble to Mac users by publishing (and executing) OS X exploits.

All because they didn’t like an ad and got pissed off by some comments on Slashdot.

If you read Maynor’s post, you’ll notice that it would be very easy to pump up the volume of the snark in response. Maynor is not a very good communicator. He may be a very good security researcher, but he’s not a terribly good writer (yet, anyway) and history has proven that he’s not terribly adept at PR.

So the Macalope could just haul off on Maynor and we could all have a good time, laugh ourselves silly and go back to watching That Phone Guy. But keep reading. Let’s hear Maynor out.

Microsoft only changed when users demanded better security, and it’s only when the Mac community calls for similar protections that Apple will include them in products.

Here, dear readers, comes the glorious moment. That most special of after-school special moments.

Because you know what? Here, he’s right.

He’s absolutely, 100% right. No matter what crazy-assed things he’s said up until now, his final point is spot-on.

We, as Mac users, have been skating. We’ve been skating on the fact that no one writes exploits for the Mac. And as Apple becomes more and more of a household name, that will not stand.

This is not to say that Apple isn’t already working on security enhancements for OS X or that it will ever have as much malware as Windows. But while Apple has been attempting to leverage its historically good reputation, Microsoft has been trying to reverse its historically bad reputation by aggressively implementing new technologies that will make it harder to write exploits for Windows.

The Macalope wants OS X to be the most secure operating system there is, practically as well as theoretically, and there is certainly some evidence that Apple does not take security seriously enough. Maynor did not even mention the company’s flippant handling of the incident where it shipped iPods infected with a Windows virus.

That incident, by the way, was marked by a universal condemnation of Apple’s comment from Apple bloggers (including the Macalope) and suggestions that the company needs to take security more seriously, an inconvenient truth for Maynor who loves to rail against Mac zealots.

To be fair, some guy on Slashdot probably thought Apple’s comment was teh awesome so…

In general, the Macalope says the hell with David Maynor. Anyone who gets such a gigantic bee up his butt over a 30-second ad shouldn’t be taken seriously.

But at the same time the Macalope would really like to see Apple demonstrate that it does take security more seriously than as a marketing tool.

UPDATE: Maynor provides some clarification in a post that the Macalope agrees with in its entirety. He’s also taken exception to this post in comments.

UPDATE THE SECOND, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO: The blogstorm continues as Maynor responds to John Gruber’s brief post.

You are not mad that Microsoft’s latest Operating Systems out classes OSX hands down in the areas of security and anti-exploitation technology but instead one comment Bill Gates made to a reporter? Tell you what, when Microsoft starts running commercials that feature the Month of Apple Bugs then you have every right to complain.

This is really interesting. Maynor, who complains at great length in a previous post about how Apple’s Lynn Fox screwed him by issuing false statements to reporters, does not find Gates’ false statement to a reporter to be noteworthy. It is noteworthy. It’s noteworthy in the kind of way that you write a response to it on your blog. Not in the kind of way that you decide “Oh, yeah? Well, I’m gonna crack Windows!” and then you come up with an exploit but you screw up the delivery and devote months of your life to defending yourself and quit your job because you think your employer screwed you and finally decide to write a book about the whole affair.

In general, the Macalope expects more truth from a Newsweek interview than a commercial where actors are pretending to be computers, but maybe he’s just one of those craaaazy Mac zealots.

As for the first part, the Macalope’s not sure why this isn’t obvious to Maynor but it’s hard to get worked up over security and anti-explotation technology when there are so few exploits for the Mac. Your average Mac user has never, ever been a victim of malware. Ever. Once.

Is this thing on? Hello? Hello?

Of course, an ounce of prevention being worth a pound of cure, the Macalope would really like to see Apple implement some of the technologies Maynor is talking about and sooner rather than later. So he’s doing what Maynor suggests.

So there.

Liar, liar, ill-fitting pants on fire.

Poor Bill Gates (antler tip to several readers for the link).

The Vista rollout is simply not what he’s used to.

This is probably why Gates gets awfully snippy when asked about the “Get a Mac” ads. The Macalope’s velvety flanks heaved with laughter when he saw that Newsweek decided to actually put the “Get a Mac” ad in question on every single page of the interview in case readers hadn’t seen it. Just another in a long string of Vista rollout pieces that have turned into free Mac ads.

So forgive Gates for being reduced to his inner 14-year-old.

Does honesty matter in these things, or if you’re really cool, that means you get to be a lying person whenever you feel like it? There’s not even the slightest shred of truth to it.

This response, really, is pathetic. The way to deflect these ads is not to get your panties in a bunch and whine that they’re just big fat stupid liars and shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

You laugh them off and move on to the next question.

And did Gates just say Apple was cool and Microsoft was not?

It must be hard for all those painful junior high memories to come flooding back.

Gates engages in some “historical revisionism”, particularly with regards to security.

Nowadays, security guys break the Mac every single day. Every single day, they come out with a total exploit, your machine can be taken over totally.

Well, that’s just a load of crap. No, they do not come out with one every single day (cough). And even if they were, who’s exploiting these bugs? No one. Well, no one other than the MOAB folks themselves, that is.

The Macalope found it really interesting that Gates chose to mention the MOAB (as if it were still going — a perpetuity of Apple bugs rather than just a month). Let’s consider again the timing of the MOAB — timed for Macworld or timed for the Vista release? Or both?

Well, the Macalope’s probably being paranoid. It’s not like Microsoft has ever paid anyone to conduct dubiously ethical guerrilla marketing.

Ahem.

The Macalope himself is getting a little tired of the Windows/Mac OS “who copied who” argument. It was more interesting during the naescent development of the desktop operating system market (indeed, Mr. Gruber’s detailed analysis is a walk down memory lane), but now that both platforms are mature, it would simply be irresponsible if they didn’t copy ideas from one another. But, as Gruber notes, Microsoft’s habit of saying Apple’s shipping product stole ideas from Microsoft’s vaporware (yes, Vista’s shipping now, but they’ve been doing this for over a year) is a sad piece of dissembling.

The one feature Gates mentions for the next version of Windows (coming in 2010! Or maybe 2011! Or…) is one that’s been rumored to be included in Leopard. So he’ll be able to claim Microsoft invented it first four years from now when it finally ships in Windows because he mentioned it once in an interview.

The house that Gates built sits on top of a crumbling hill. As Merlin Mann noted on the most recent edition of MacBreak Weekly, the company’s money-makers are, as they have always been, Windows and Office. Everything else — the Zune, the Xbox — is losing it money.

So when a big product rollout of one of its two money-makers fails to excite the user base and turns into an ad for the competition, it challenges Microsoft’s ability to manage its revenue stream like a subscription service.

And pisses off it’s founder and chief technologist.

However, one might have hoped for a better response than “I know you are, but what am I?”

UPDATE: Peter of the Norse in comments points out something the Macalope noticed but forgot to comment on. Many of Gates’ comments were heavily edited, prompting Peter to quip:

There are so many square brackets, I thought it was obj-C.

Switcher poser

Reader Toby provides a link to a report by Joe Hutsko on MSNBC entitled “A Mac user switches to Vista”.

Hutsko lays it on thick, leading off with a stern warning to Mac zealots: DO NOT BRING YOUR EVIL HERE!

Joe, the Macalope knows the Swamp Thing, he’s worked with the Swamp Thing.

You’re no Swamp Thing.

With a lead-in like this with its over-the-top protestations about having “mad Mac street cred, yo” while damning Mac fanatics and begging them to “just give Vista a chance”, one would understandably suspect this was the return of Microsoft’s previously outed faux switcher campaign, but wait for the pathetic punch line.

Hutsko’s piece is really just a fairly even-handed account of one person’s view of both operating systems and as such it suffers from the fact that he makes no attempt to look beyond his personal experience in the time he used Vista. So it’s already not very useful before Hutsko pulls the rug out from under the whole thing.

But I really miss that peaceful, Zen-like quiet I felt with my Mac when I’d wake it up or put it instantly to sleep. For me, it just works right, without really having to think about it.

So I decided to switch again. From Vista, back to the Mac — to the brand new, white MacBook on which I told this story.

What?! Joe, you didn’t switch. You got paid to write an article about using Vista and then went right back to using the Mac!

And what is up with your verb tense in those two paragraphs? You “miss” the Mac that you’re writing on? Wha-huh?

If we can’t write to you to lambast Windows, can we write to you to lambast your use of lame writing tricks and confusing conjugation?

Ouch!

The Macalope didn’t see it, but his friend the Kraken was watching CNN’s Vista-palooza this morning and noted with some glee that after an interview with Bill Gates, Ali Velshi was talking about how many Windows users will face a confusing upgrade that may require them to buy new machines. Miles O’Brien replied “Or, they could just go Mac.”

The Kraken dryly noted that that pretty much took the air out of the whole piece which had been sounding a lot like an ad for Microsoft up until then.

But O’Brien’s comment is exactly what the Macalope’s been thinking about this all along. The Vista upgrade forces a purchasing decision for many Windows users. Most will simply suck it up and buy a new PC with Vista already installed because they either fear change, don’t know any better or just really prefer Windows.

But if you know any wavering Windows users, now would be a good time to try to talk them down off the ledge.

UPDATE: O’Brien also apparently asked Gates if he was deliberately trying to copy OS X.

Everything you can buy is a rip-off

The Macalope has had a good chuckle at the meat-heads who like to say that Microsoft’s inability to ship a real operating system update for five years is a feature, but the Test Bed’s Emil Larsen — if his whimsically entitled piece “OS X is a rip-off” is to be taken seriously — must be the gristle of head meats.

This is the extent to which Emil covers the features Apple released in every update of OS X:

Apple, on the other hand, charged for OS X updates; sure they had new features – DVD playback, better CD/DVD writing capabilities and interface goodies like gui dpi control, but with v10.1 Apple had the cheek to charge for CD burning and only a minority of people took advantage of v10.3’s “fast user switching”…

Uh, Quartz? FileVault? Safari? iChat? Dashboard? Exposé? Spotlight? Smart Folders? Automator?

Any of those ringing a bell?

Many of those are features you can only now get on Windows by upgrading to Vista and you could have had them a year and half ago when Tiger came out. Earth to Larsen: that’s worth something.

Helloooooo? Anybody home?

Nope. Looks like Larsen must have stepped off the planet.

Larsen’s basis of comparison is looking at each release of OS X, adding up what each cost and then comparing it the price of Vista Home Premium. This is really not comparing apples to apples (no pun intended). Vista Home Premium, for example, can’t be used in a domain/AD-based LAN and OS X can. But, the Macalope is willing to spot him that particular point.

He’s not willing to spot him some other assumptions, however. For instance, how many people really bought Cheetah? The Macalope did, but ran it purely experimentally. It frankly was not ready for prime time and shipped so Apple could say that it shipped OS X. Puma was the first usable version (although most people probably didn’t convert until Jaguar shipped). So, a more realistic comparison is to add the price for Puma, Jaguar, Panther and Tiger for a total of $516 U.S.

Vista Home Premium’s suggested retail price is $159 (note: the Macalope is using suggested retail prices for both operating systems instead of Larsen’s trick of using suggested retail prices for OS X and discounted prices for Vista). If you’re still stupid enough to believe Larsen’s thesis that it’s not worth something to get a feature sooner rather than later then OS X is about 3 times more expensive than Windows. On planet Stupid.

So, advantage Windows!

Well, no.

If not having features to actually use is somehow itself a feature, then two can play at that game.

Because it’s not like Apple held a gun to your head and forced you to upgrade. You could have simply bought Puma (or Jaguar) and not upgraded again until Tiger. Then OS X is only 1.6 times as expensive as Windows. Or, you could have not bought anything and simply continued to use OS 9.2! Or 8.5! Or 7.1! Or a slide rule with the Mac OS smiley face drawn on it!

Advantage Mac!

Conversely, by Larsen’s logic Microsoft could never release another version of Windows again and be infinitely more cost-effective than the Mac!

Advantage Windows!

Ugh.

Do the people at the Test Bed know that if they don’t have any good material they can just not post that day?

Trouble squirting?

Well, Zune users, it might be because Universal and Sony won’t allow what amounts to 40-50% of songs available for the Zune to be squirted (antler tip to Daring Fireball for the link).

Let’s say this out loud.

They won’t let you send a song to someone to be played all of three times before they’re prompted to buy it.

You might want to cancel your Zune bukkake party.

Sales pitch is low and away

Steve Ballmer is still shakin’ that money maker but corporate audiences just aren’t slipping the bills into his sweaty g-string.

The Macalope will give you a minute after that disturbing image.

That’s it. Just walk it off. Walk it off. You’ll be OK.

Better? Can we proceed?

OK.

The launch of Windows Vista, Office 2007 and Exchange 2007 for businesses is the most significant release of the flagship products in Microsoft’s history, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said Nov. 30.

The Macalope hates to tell the glistening one his own business (well, not really…), but there’s little doubt that Windows 95 was the most significant release of Windows in Microsoft history.

Totally new GUI? Long file names? Preemptive multitasking 32-bit applications? Any of this ringing any bells, Steve-a-rino?

Nope?

Hello?

Ballmer said Windows Vista will usher in a wave of innovation.

No comment.

“I am happy to finally be here, and that’s all I’m going to say about the past,” Ballmer said, referring to the fact that Vista has taken five years to bring to market.

Wow! “Baby, I know I hit you all those times, but I don’t want to talk about that…”

Being Microsoft is never having to say you’re sorry.

Asked about the timeline for Vista service packs, Ballmer quipped that as it is the highest-quality, most secure and reliable Windows operating system ever, there should be no need for a service pack.

Steve. Steve.

Oh, Steve.

Steeeeeeeeeeve.

For lessons in CEO honesty, perhaps Ballmer should turn to Seagate’s Bill Watkins who said in a recent interview (tip o’ the antlers to Hack the Planet):

“Let’s face it, we’re not changing the world. We’re building a product that helps people buy more crap – and watch porn.”

See, Steve? That’s minty fresh! When the Macalope hears Bill Watkins talk, it’s like he’s standing the middle of a forest and the only thing he can hear – ba-by! – is the dew dropping from the cool, gr-een leaves! Ha-ha!

You, on the other hand, sound like the dumpster out back of a Denny’s in Gary, Indiana.

UPDATE: More disturbing Ballmer imagery from the Macalope’s stylistic brother Robert X. Cringely.

Must be something in the air today.

Rob Enderle finally right about something

From the Wall Street Journal’s holiday sales blog (holiday sales blog?):

“The product [Zune] wasn’t particularly attractive. At the end of the day, you put it on a shelf and it just didn’t compare,” said Robert Enderle of the industry-research firm Enderle Group.

You said it couldn’t happen, but it only took a mountain of evidence to make it possible.

Meanwhile, Microsoft’s Jason Reindorp (Reindorp?) puts on a happy face.

“All signs indicate that we are on track to meet our internal business projections, and we’re confident that Zune will only continue to gain traction and momentum through the holiday season and beyond,” Jason Reindorp, director of Zune at Microsoft, said in an email.

Something tells the Macalope that Reindorp has already contemplated how he’s going to reflect this part of his life on his resumé without including the word “Zune.”