The Macalope

Well, don’t say the Macalope didn’t warn you.

The Mac web-o-blog-o-rumorsphere is abuzz today with news of a patent filed by someone associated with other Apple patents.

The company appears to have filed a patent application earlier this year at the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office for a “multi-functional handheld device” that could function as a mobile phone and music player, among other capabilities. Illustrations accompanying the application describe a multilayered device with a limited number of buttons.

Actually, if you look at the patent, it’s more than that.

In other examples, the electronic device can be an electronic game, a personal digital assistant, a multimedia device, a cellular telephone, a portable video player, a portable navigation device, or the like.

Hmm. A portable navigation device. Wasn’t the Macalope reading something about iPhoto having fields in it for GPS coordinates and some Googley bits?

So maybe it’s got some GPS capabilities. And take a look at this speculative piece from earlier in the month on Apple Insider. Some company apparently held a focus group on a hand-held device that might feature:

RSS access, full Internet access versus partial Internet access, Internet access via hot spots versus Internet anywhere, cell phone capabilities, as well as MP3, movie and television content access.

Are you feelin’ the vagueness yet? ‘Cause the Macalope’s feelin’ it.

It should also be noted that – other than a mock-up of a Safari screen on one of the dummy devices – it’s entirely unclear which company the focus group was for. To cover themselves, Apple Insider put this gem into the piece:

While there is little concrete evidence to suggest Apple was responsible for commissioning the survey, information to rule out the Cupertino, Calif.-based iPod maker is also lacking.

Indeed! Which gets us back to the rumors site credo: Is it irresponsible to speculate? No. It is irresponsible not to speculate.

So, what are we left with?

Well, if you want to include Apple Insider’s report, we have a full-fledged Internet device with GPS and cell phone capability that functions as a digital music and game player and has a touch-screen interface.

The only thing the Macalope doesn’t see is a camera.

Eh, but it’s got to have a camera…

On the other hand, a device that does everything under the sun sure doesn’t sound like Apple, now, does it?

Where’s a drunk faun when you need one?

The Macalope was at this big mythical creatures get-together over the weekend (and, no, that’s not some clever euphemism for C4). He doesn’t usually join those kinds of things but his friend the Minotaur talked him into it. The Minotaur, of course, takes the Macalope to a couple events and then stops showing up. Claims he was going to go but got lost in the maze, blah, blah, blah.

Jackass.

Anyway, the Macalope was mingling and started talking to some fauns.

Now, fauns are a pain in the ass. They’re highly unpredictable drunks who are always bumming a ride at 2 AM because they’re too blasted to drive themselves. And these fauns were no different. They were drunk as the proverbial skunk (who, incidentally, was also there).

But these particular fauns insisted they knew some leprechauns who knew a priest who knew someone at Apple. And they were saying that they heard through this channel that the iPhone is not a phone in the physical sense. It’s a technology – like VOIP – and that what Apple is going to do is put this into all Macs so each Mac ships as a computer and a phone.

The drunkest one also claimed that there would also be handsets that made use of open Airport connections to make calls.

But he was the one who threw up all over the back of the Macalope’s car. So, you know, take it for what it’s worth.

The Macalope was listening to the latest MacBreak Weekly today which focused on the iPhone. Leo Laporte was most interested in the story about T-Mobile CEO Robert Dotson waxing poetic about how dreamy Apple is.

It suddenly reminded the Macalope of an incident three years ago when a friend in the cell phone business called him to ask who he knew at Apple that might be working on the iPhone, as his company wanted to get some of that action. The Macalope, of course, didn’t know anyone.

So, while he does still think there will be an iPhone, the Macalope thinks that that particular bit of shtick from Dotson was probably just him sucking up. Maybe he heard the rumors that Cingular had a six-month exclusive and wants to be next in line. Maybe he’s really a Mac fan. Whatever.

Frankly, none of the rumors – including the iPhone trademark in Asia – seem particularly compelling to the Macalope. It’s really more the idea of the iPhone – an elegant cell phone that doesn’t suck – and the movement of the market toward music phones that make a compelling business case.

For the record, the Macalope likes David Pogue’s work, despite the fact that he – tongue firmly planted in his cheek – called Pogue a nasty name the other day.

But, the Macalope thinks he’s wrong about the iPhone here – the Macalope believes there will be one.

Pogue basically has two arguments against the iPhone:

1. Carriers currently hold the power over hardware manufacturers and Apple would be unlikely to want to put itself in the position it would have to accede to their demands.
2. iPhone rumors have been floating for several years now and still no iPhone.

Addressing the first argument, Apple’s uniquely positioned to change the balance of power with the carriers. They’ve sold over 60 million iPods to largely satisfied customers who would be more than willing to consider making their next iPod an iPhone.

And then there’s iTunes. Apple owns the largest channel for online music sales. People want their songs to play on all their devices. No iPod owner is going to buy a ZunePhone because they’d have to re-license all their (legally) downloaded music.

As for the second argument, well, Pogue more uses it as a means of pointing out that rumors do not a product make, and he’s right (crank-powered iBook, anyone?). But the set-top box was rumored for ten years and, lo and behold, Apple’s gonna sell one. While rumors do not mean Apple is going to make something, they don’t mean it isn’t going to make it, either.

Apart from disagreeing with his conclusion, however, the Macalope heartily agrees with the rest of the post.

I cannot imagine Apple giving veto power to ANYONE over its software design. It just ain’t gonna happen.

Neither can the Macalope, he doesn’t think that will be necessary. Apple has weight (it owns the digital music market). It can throw it around.

I think cellphones are as ripe for a radical rethink as the online music store was when Apple set up iTunes.

Quite. As a matter of fact, the Macalope would pay good money for a well-designed phone that’s easy to use and a beautiful marriage of hardware and software.

If only there were a company that does that kind of thing…

But let’s not go all wiggy every time someone passes around an iPhone rumor on the Web.

Indeed. Let’s not. But let’s also recognize that there is a great business opportunity here and Apple’s got all the right stuff to fill the gap.

Also, while Vic Keegan went off the deep end in proclaiming that Apple was losing the digital music war to ring tones, there is an increasing convergence between cell phones and digital music players. The Macalope’s gotta think Apple sees this coming and is heading it off at the pass.

Not that iTunes isn’t woefully misnamed at this point, but wouldn’t the folks at a certain HBO competitor have something to say about this?