Take two Mac tablets and call the Macalope in the morning.

Report in an Australian magazine prompts wild Mac tablet speculation.

A report in an Australian publication called Smarthome has set off another chain-reaction of Mac tablet lust.

Since the death of the Newton, the Mac tablet has been as storied a mythical Apple-themed beast as the Macalope himself. Only the iTV has probably inspired more Apple fan-boy enthusiasm.

Our first stop on the Mac tablet chain reaction tour is a report on T3, a British web site and magazine that ingeniously noticed that guys like gadgets and guys like women in bikinis so why not combine the two?! The report even includes some cheesey mock-ups which the Macalope can’t help but notice are not being held by any swimsuit-clad vixens.

Come on. If you’re going to have a shtick, don’t go all politically correct when the Mac users suddenly tune in. The Macalope asks you, is that fair? No, it is not.

Meanwhile, Jason O’Grady continues his nigh unhealthly Mac tablet obsession (can’t you just be obsessed with porn like everyone else?), this time mercifully leaving out any reference to a “lite” version of OS X.

I think that in addition to commuters, a tablet Mac would be perfect for doctors, foremen, teachers, real estate agents and photographers.

Ah! Doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs! What about train engineers? Baristas? Bee keepers? Monkey wranglers? The Macalope is certain there are vertical market application developers in each of those industries just waiting to port their apps to OS X.

Users of Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator would also be perfect candidates for a tablet Mac because the touch screen allows you paint right on the screen.

Yes, we all know how graphics heads love underpowered processors, which is what a thin, lightweight, inexpensive computer would almost assuredly have. They particularly love them when their apps still have to be run through Rosetta!

If we forget practicality, O’Grady’s idea of a Mac tablet sure sounds great. Sadly, it also doesn’t sound much like what the Smarthouse piece described, leading the Macalope to wonder about his reading comprehension skills.

Sources in Taiwan have said that the focus has been more on the home and the education environment than the enterprise marketplace. Several months ago I was told that Apple was exploring a neat new device that is basically a touch screen that links to various source devices including a brand new media centre that Apple is planning to launch next year.

The Mac tablet has been designed to handle third party applications such as home automation software that will allow users to control lighting, audio, entertainment devices and security feeds. It also acts as a full blown PC has wireless linking for a new generation of Wireless Hi Fi speakers that are currently being tested by Apple.

Hmm. Wasn’t the troll that lives under the bridge out along the Old Forest highway reminding the Macalope the other day about how – while he didn’t really care for the Newton – Steve Jobs was a fan of the eMate? This troll seemed to think the new device is a merging of the eMate’s basic Internet, word-processing and other educational uses with Apple’s iLife and media hub functionality.

He was also gnawing on what looked like a human femur, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of making a valid point.

To round out the blog circus, Robert Scoble does his best riff on c:/ongrtlns.w95. Scoble has been known to beat the drum about how “it’s all about ‘user scenarios’, man!” and tablet PCs gots teh mad “user scenarios”. If you can’t use your Mac while stuck head-down in a dumpster with your butt cheeks taped together and oven mitts on your hands and your pants down around (up around?) your ankles and a sock stuck in your mouth (it could happen!), well, don’t come crying to Robert Scoble! Because someone, somewhere sells a Windows-based tablet for exactly that “user scenario”! Advantage Windows!

The Macalope doesn’t feel hugely compelled to put a lot of stock into rumors from some magazine for safe room freaks down under, but it seems likely that if Apple is indeed making a Mac tablet, you won’t see it suddenly appear in the hands of the guy standing in a construction site and wearing a yellow hard hat on the cover of Building Industry Monthly. It’s going to be aimed at Apple’s core constituencies in the home and education markets, which is what the piece describes.

It’s OK to believe in the Mac tablet. It’s OK to want one really badly. But don’t let anyone sell you their Ronco fantasies of what it’s going to do.

Yay, subscriptions!

Who doesn’t like music subscription models?!

Hey, kids! You looooooove subscription-based music subscription models, don’t you?!

Sure you do! Everyone does!

Why, Universal Music Group’s Jimmy Iovine loves subscriptions!

“We have to get into more of the revenue stream. The eventual answer may be a flat fee that enables you to listen to all the music you want.”

And he knows Bruce Springsteen!

But it’s not just him! The big brains at Jupiter Research likes subscriptions, too!

So why wouldn’t you love subscriptions?! Why ya gotta own everything? Are you greedy? Is that it? Just thinking about yourself and not struggling music industry executives, their brows moist with perspiration (albeit induced by the elliptical trainer) as they pick which music they’re going to ram down your throats this year?

Or maybe you’re thinking about the so-called “artists”, really nothing more than a collection of un-showered communists, if you ask the Macalope. Thank goodness someone is doing something to put them in their place.

No, no. The sooner you start sending your monthly tithe to the recording industry, the sooner we’ll achieve the perfect musical utopia they have planned for us.

UPDATE: Andy Ihnatko provides some strikingly similar thoughts in his Zune review.

You just made George Ou's head explode

Tom Yager on Windows vs. OS X security.

Tom Yager makes a practical comparison between the relative security of Windows and OS X as servers.

So, after all this, do I have enough to judge Windows inherently more vulnerable to severe malware than OS X? I do.

As a desktop OS, one point you could make against OS X is that “just losing your user data” can still be rather devastating, but Yager’s list is a great compilation.

UPDATE: Whoops! The Macalope thought he had gotten this link from the RSS feed of Yager’s blog but he had actually gotting it from Mr. Gruber and he didn’t notice it’s from back in August. Still an interesting read and one the Macalope had failed to take note of at the time. Probably because he wasn’t blogging then.

Every attraction needs a barker

Some thoughts on John Siracusa’s speculation on Leopard’s UI.

John Siracusa opines on what “Top Secret” features Leopard might contain and why Apple has embargoed them.

It’s a good read but the Macalope has noticed that despite the scowls of concern over the inconsistency and “unprofessional” look of OS X from many “professional” Mac pundits, it still manages to pull off the one thing it needs to: looking better than any other desktop operating system.

That’s not to say that the Macalope wouldn’t also like to see some things dressed up, a new coat of paint, some curtains, or that Apple won’t certainly provide us something in the eye candy category that will make Vista heads turn.

But the cluck-clucking of the old hens doesn’t seem to have stopped OS X’s market share from creeping up.

Also, Siracusa neglects to mention perhaps the simplest explanation for the embargo.

Showmanship.

Everyone loves a mystery and it sure helps get the asses in the seats.

Does this tin-foil hat make my ass look big?

The Macalope fears he may have gone off the deep end.

The Macalope’s a little concerned that he may have been spending too much time in the basement with the Lone Gunmen (boy, that’s a lame call-back…).

He was perusing this Reuters story detailing how the Zune isn’t exactly flying off the shelves and found him interest piqued by something in the lede.

Donna Murphy is no fan of the ubiquitous iPod music player so on Tuesday she became one of the first to buy Microsoft’s new rival Zune device.

“I just needed a new MP3 player to play my music and watch videos,” said Murphy, who bought a Zune at Best Buy’s midtown Manhattan store. “I’m not an Apple fan, not an iPod fan. So I wanted to try something different.”

Hmm.

Donna Murphy…

Something about those direct, derogatory references to Apple…

The Macalope tried several searches for “Donna Murphy” in relation to “Microsoft”, “New York” and “public relations” or “marketing”, but all he could come up with was this Donna Murphy, a Broadway and film actress.

Of course, there must be about 50,000 Donna Murphys in New York City.

And Microsoft would never hire an actress to go shopping for a Zune in a prominent mid-town Manhattan store about four blocks from the Reuters offices and drop several anti-iPod and anti-Apple comments.

Ha-ha!

It’s ludicrous!

Right?

It’s not like they promised the Zune would get an all-out Microsoft-style marketing blitz.

And it’s not like they’ve ever used astroturf campaigns or phony Mac-to-Windows switcher stories before.

The Macalope’s sure that once his head clears, this will all look like the paranoid rantings of some other mythical creature.

Like the Easter Bunny.

Don’t know if you’ve ever run into him, but that guy is nuts.

iPod sales figures porn

Analyst expects Apple to beat last year’s 14 million in iPod sales for the first fiscal quarter.

You may recall the Macalope taking several careless goof balls to task for attempting to parlay the decline in iPod sales quarter over quarter since Apple sold an astounding 14 million units in the fourth quarter of 2005 as “slipping iPod sales.” Meanwhile, thoughtful analysts looked at the sales growth from the same quarters the prior year.

But the Macalope never dreamed that Apple would be able to beat 14 million and fully expected sales to be down this quarter from last year. Enter Piper Jaffrey’s Gene Munster who estimates Apple will sell 14.7 million iPods in the current quarter.

And he thinks that may be conservative.

“Our current expectations for the quarter could prove to be low,” Munster added.

Ooh, Gene.

Baby.

You know what the Macalope likes.

I'll have the schadenfreude with a side of irony, please

The Zune mis-launch has an ironic footnote.

Emailer GadgetGav sends a link to Engadget’s devastating review of the Zune installer. The Macalope had already seen that. Frankly, you can’t swing an iPod on a lanyard today without hitting a lousy review of the Zune.

But the Macalope hadn’t seen the second link GadgetGav sent.

Turns out today is World Usability Day.

Microsoft is not, however, one of the sponsors, thereby avoiding the trifecta.

Ode to the wireless security affair

David Burke relives the passion that was the Apple wireless controversy.

If you’re dying to relive those heady days of August and September, David Burke has keyed a 4,000-word love letter to the whole business (antler tip to Mr. Gruber via email) that just might keep you going through the winter.

Yes, you read that number right.

Four.

Thousand.

November must be the slow season for lawyerin’ up in Canada.

The Macalope can’t say he read the whole post (c’mon, it’s 4,000 words!) – he’ll wait for the movie. He did skim enough to see a few appearances by Artie MacStrawman and some idle speculation about Apple’s possible manipulation of the situation. Also, he noted that Burke doesn’t have a problem with the term “Apple apologists” (perhaps he should read some of the Macalope’s work on stock option backdating) but you won’t find the terms “SecureWorks apologists” or “Ellchistas” or “Branch David Maynoridians” anywhere in the piece.

He should get some credit for his ultimate conclusion, however.

The end result is that the Apple apologists win this one by a very fair default in my opinion. As I have always said, if there is a possibility that it may not be true, and those who should know if it is true cannot back up their claims then there is no good reason to believe it is true. So at this point it is a done deal.

Burke goes off the ranch and shows once and for all that he’s not George Ou’s sock puppet. He may actually even go too far as there is no real reason to believe Maynor and Ellch’s claim is false, either, despite the dogged determination of some to prove at any cost that OS X is too as insecure as Windows, dammit! (Hey, if they can have straw men then so can we!)

It is, quite simply, a claim that has not been proved.

As for this whole affair being a “done deal”, the Macalope thinks he’s sadly mistaken on that point.

Trying too hard to be a contrarian

Arguments against the iPhone fall short.

Silicon.com’s Jo Best just can’t come up with a convincing argument why an iPhone wouldn’t be cool.

But it doesn’t stop her from trying.

My iPod needs charging every day to play music for an hour or two.

Ah, yes, the Macalope has that same model. It looks like this.

Apple’s DRM is, well, awful.

When discussing Apple’s DRM, it is only really useful to compare its implimentation to anyone else’s. It is not useful to compare it to no DRM. It is self-evident that any DRM will be inherently worse than no DRM.

Because, honestly, the worst you can say about Apple’s DRM is that it’s at least as good as anyone else’s. Most people would argue that it’s better.

I’ve spent hours of my life convincing iTunes I should be allowed to play songs I either ripped from lawfully bought CDs or purchased from Apple itself on my laptop or my iPod.

Hours? To play songs you ripped? Then you are doing something seriously, drastically, idiotically wrong and need to seek professional help immediately.

Get thee to a Genius Bar.

I know Apple isn’t stupid and probably won’t put copy protection on my PIM-type content but I do not trust them in this area and would inspect closely their DRM policy on the iPhone before considering a purchase.

Sooo, you don’t fear that Apple will try to copy-protect your contacts, but somehow you don’t trust them… not to copy-protect your contacts? Wha-huh? You should really sort out your stand on these issues before you sit down and just start typing willy-nilly.

But I’ve got an iPod and a mobile and it hasn’t bothered me yet, despite the plethora of phones with built-in music players flooding the market.

The Macalope is in agreement here. His original shuffle probably has about as many songs as an iPhone would be likely to have, hardly takes up any extra space and acts as a USB drive to boot (well, not to boot… er… well, you know what the Macalope means).

Best then goes on to say what she likes about Apple products and why an iPhone might really be cool, but ultimately concludes she wants Apple to partner with Nokia on a phone that…

… take a deep breath…

…runs a mobile version of OS X.

Jo, dear, you haven’t been in Jason O’Grady’s meds, have you?

Much of Best’s piece is quite reasonable, which is what makes the conclusion so dunderheaded. It is an absurd truism that workers in the “marketplace of ideas” frequently feel the need to provide a contrarian opinion just for the sake of it.

“Hmm. No one has said that puppies and kittens are a blight upon our society. Quick! To the keyboard!”

Possibly they do it because it drives hits from, well, sites like this.

But is that the kind of business you want to be in?